The Curious Case of Split Personality Among People
Kamal Haasan is an interesting actor and his ideas for films are way too outlandish. Many years ago he wrote a film called Dasavathaaram in which he acted as well. Not just acted, but played too many roles in the movie. If he could, he would have even played the role of a woman in that movie, albeit multiple ones. Heavens know he is good at that. It is almost similar to being Brutus, Caesar, Longinus, Albinus, et al being played by one person. How funny or ridiculous will that be? Imagine Longinus coaxing Brutus into killing Caesar and it’s a fuckin triple role going on. It is more or less a case of split personality and a severe one. A lot of people have it, but they are good at controlling the side effects, although the slip shows from time to time.
Around every election, local or pan Indian, we hear a lot of stuff from people saying how the politicians are experts in double speak and their selective stands are known to everyone now. Though a little introspection in the urban lives of the people and it will be empirically confirmed that the double speak is at the roots of our existence. Here are some of the gems we churn almost every day.
The concern for the poor: Our middle class conscience cries each day on social media about the conditions in which the poor people live. However, we are too prude when we actually have to deal with them or when actually have to do something about it. Case in point is the situation of farmers where the farmers demand the higher price for the their produce, while the middle class shouts out for the demand to be met without fail, it doesn’t even know that to increase the price of produce would mean them having to shell out more to avail the same produce from the market. Heavens forbid, if that ever happens, the urban class will be out on streets against the price rise. But then, C’est la vie.
Passenger train price hike: The urban elite goes out on a company paid holiday or sometimes on savings to western countries or highly developed Asian economies and use public transport there. Upon return the facebook is rife with the pictures of the well laid out public transport abroad and how India is still primitive in this regard. These are the same people who go hammer and tongs over the rise of train ticket fee by Rs 1.50 per passenger. That’s how it has always been.
Chor Hai Police (The Cops are thieves): An urban person often labels the police as corrupt and thieves who are not doing their jobs properly. However, it is often found that these people will resort to bribe at the first instance whenever found in an uncomfortable situation. Consider a case of jumping the traffic signal, the first thing a person does is to seek how he can go about his business without being challaned and tries to settle it for Rs 100. Then the person leaves the place and later brags how he bribed a low level “thulla” or a “Mamu” and still plays victim.
“My hard earned tax being wasted” : Rahul gets his salary each month and he tried to invest as much as he can, not to secure his future but to save as much tax he can. He selects policies and ways of investment which allow him to pay minimum or zero tax during the JFM period of tax cycle. It’s also a laughing matter that Rahul produces fake rent receipts to get tax rebate, that too when he is living with his parents. Then when he faces potholes, flooded streets, bad roads, etc, he howls on social media how the honest tax payer in him is hurt the way his money is being spent or how Vijay Mallya ran away with his money and built a mansion in England with his tax money. Rahul, relax, you don’t pay taxes.
Self-obsession: Sandeep really wants to help the world out there. For that he puts up the picture of naked and hungry kids from Africa and sniggers at people with iPhone. He also clicks selfies with a broom for Swatch Bharat Abhiyaan, regardless of whether he has helped his family in cleaning the house ever. He also takes up Ice Bucket Challenge even though he doesn’t know why it is even happening, although he doesn’t take up Rice Bucket Challenge because “I can’t be expected to roam around with a kilogram of rice to be given to hungry someone”. Sandeep doesn’t know that Bihar and Assam are flooded each year and he could care less but he constantly checks the movement of Hurricane Irma and Katrina believing that somehow these two damsels will dawn upon his house in Dombivali and help him with his boner. He is truly concerned about the people of Texas, even though he doesn’t know anyone there, right after telling his Bihari colleague, “Dude, why do you guys don’t do anything about floods”. Sandeep is real class and an absolute horseshit.
Whining all along: Mujahid wants to crib about everything, including cricket. When the team loses regularly he gets into a belief mode that the top players do not know how to bat or bowl and when the team wins regularly he misses the competition. He then tells everyone that the level of game has gone down and how he no longer enjoys the game. Mujahid also doesn’t like the fact that Bollywood doesn’t make good movies as compared to Hollywood and thinks San Andreas is a classic movie where Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson battles the Tsumani with a motor boat and a light weight chopper, and wins. But Singham is crap. Well, he is right on that. But Mujahid doesn’t know who Raj Kumar Rao, Deepak Dobriyal, Joe Pesci, Robert De Niro are, while he is a huge fan of Salman Khan, Tom Cruise and Kareena Kapoor.
The Sensitive Beings: Seema was traveling with her husband in her car and cribbing how Mrs Verma didn’t reply to her birthday wish on a Whatsapp group of 150 people. She tried to explain that just because she has an Audi doesn’t mean she can look down upon fellow humans with Hyundai i10 because Seema herself doesn’t discriminate with people who drive Maruti 800. She is also concerned about how people discriminate with others and feel they are superior to everyone. While she was talking, a boy aged 10–12 came upto her side of the window and begged for money. She pretended to not see him but after a while shooed him away. The boy then scratched the car with a small stone and ran away. Seema’s husband came out of the car to see the big scratch on the left side of the car and tried to catch the boy. Seema shouted from behind “Catch that rascal, these criminals have made our lives miserable”.
These are some of the things which we do and see every day and thus become the champions of hypocrisy. But that’s how we are made and we can’t do much about it. We have our own lives with our own indulgences which leave us with little time to do, think or ponder over our actions and reactions. Also, please don’t start finding your own Rahul, Sandeep, Mujahid and Seema. They probably are nice people. Its only that we are so talented that we play so many roles at once and don’t even remember which role we just played and play the opposite the next moment. We are all Kamal Haasan in our own right, and quite proud of it too. We are just a bunch of patients living our split lives in whatever meagre or grand ways we can.
Image Source: FStop Lounge
